I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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