I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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