Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
