Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the day after is always just damage control
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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