i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
