Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
