I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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