well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
