Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
