i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
