i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
