is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
