It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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