Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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