there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
