Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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