I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
