YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two words: blizzard sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
