butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize