you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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