Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
