my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize