i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
