Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
