I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
