why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
