Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
