We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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