Will you blow on my dice?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
