My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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