Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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