if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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