she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My penis needs a shock collar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
