If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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