I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
