I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
