Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
