i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
