its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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