so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
