No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize