Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
