LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
