I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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