She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
