no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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