We won't sleep together?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
