Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize