We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
