Can Purell be used as lube?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
