Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
