I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is wine microwaveable?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
