i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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