Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
