The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
