I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
