Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize