Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize