I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
