how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
