Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
