I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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