made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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