fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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