do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize