Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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