Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
