I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
