Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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