thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
