there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
