kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
where are my eyebrows?
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