He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
