He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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