And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
