Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
