Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
