Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
