the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
