Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
