I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
