I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
