I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
