I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
