3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
