so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
