sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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