I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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