Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
