even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
