I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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