I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
