i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
