Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
