just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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