Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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