I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
